Trials of a Poker Apprentice: Denying the addiction

Not much to talk about today (so, what else is new?). I have been miserable for the past couple of days, thanks to some micro-organism that has set up shop in my body. This has been "one of those" winters. I can usually go two or three years without so much as a sniffle, but then I'll run into a stretch where I seem to catch something every other week. Yesterday had me feeling every bit as bad as when I had walking pneumonia three years ago, but I'm feeling somewhat better today. The major problem today is a terribly sore throat, which, I know, makes me sound like I'm about 5.

I've still played no poker since deciding to take a break, which makes nearly a week now. I've decided to not return to playing until I no longer think of playing every moment. It's strange what poker does to a person. I know I used to have interests before, but it's hard to remember what they were. Frankly, that scares me. You can't play poker without being aware that you are playing with fire.

That phrase, "gambling addiction," always stays in the back of my mind. I tell myself that I'm not addicted to gambling because I have no desire to gamble in other ways. I care nothing for the lottery, horse races, other casino games or even the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes. But I readily admit to an obsession with poker, to the point that I want to learn everything about it. Does that make it an addiction? Then again, if you're able to play cards and win enough to make a living, is that an addiction, or just a way to make a living? Of course, I know my game is not to the point of sustainable profitability yet, but that is one of my goals. I just wonder if it is a healthy goal.

Then again, if you are "addicted" to poker, is it even possible to play it profitably? It would seem to me that if you are addicted to gambling, you would chase the high-risk plays for the thrill they provide, and that would make you a long-term loser. I have seen that creep into my own play from time to time, mostly when I'm forcing myself to play, even though I know I am bored with the game at the moment. That is probably a very dangerous sign, which is all the more reason that it's probably a good idea for me to take a break from the game.

To my way of thinking, there is an absurbly miniscule line between playing poker because it is an enjoyable/profitable way to pass the time and playing because you are addicted. I can't deny feeling myself being pulled closer to that line, or even over it. It's something I would think that most people have to fight, if they want to try to make or supplement an income with a game like poker. There are a few people who are and always will be degenerate gamblers, just as there are people who do and always will approach the game from a completely healthy perspective. The bulk of us, however, will have to fight to stay on the right side of the line.
It is frustrating, though. If you're someone like me who wants to learn the game, become good at it and eventually make a living from it, you know that you have to study and analyze, but the one thing that is most important to becoming a better player is experience. The only way to get experience is to play. And yet, if you're forcing yourself to play, you risk burning out or crossing that line into problem gambling. I often find myself forcing myself to play, even if I don't feel like it. That's dumb for a variety of reasons, but maybe it's also dangerous.

I know I've probably raised more questions than I've answered with this post, but I think that all right. I think these are questions that anyone who wants to play poker seriously has to keep in mind. There probably aren't any universal right or wrong answers, but you have to constantly ask yourself the questions to keep yourself in check.

Wow, that just kind of poured out. I had no idea what I was going to write when I sat down, but it just rushed out of me. Maybe it's something I've needed to confront for some time.

But that's enough introspection for one day. Let's take a look at poker news.