Trials of a Poker Apprentice: I broke the cardinal rule

Never, ever talk about your wins, no matter how insignificant. You would think that I would have learned this rule the many other times I've broken it and been deftly punished by the poker gods for my transgressions. But, oh no. I make a comment in my last post about making a small profit, not even enough to pay my freaking water bill, for crying out loud, and WHAM! it is taken from me the very next time I sit at the table.

Oh well, I've been hovering around the break-even point the past few days, although a lot of that is due to me trying, and failing, to make a mark in the multi scene again. The first tournament I played, it was just a matter of holding KK against an ace-high board and refusing to believe my opponent held an ace. Serves me right. Then again, I thought I had made a pretty good move by making a smallish bet on the flop when the A appeared, but then moving all-in when the flush draw hit on the turn, hoping he would give me credit for the making the flush. He cared squat for the possible flush and shit all over my "brilliant" move.

Sigh ... that's what I get, tossing pearls before swine.

ASIDE: Oh, just beautiful. I have a game going in the background right now. I flop top two pair, I'm betting it and getting called by a guy -- we'll call him "Dildo," which is short for "Dude, I LuckeD Out!" -- who is holding a pocket pair lower than anything on the board. So he's calling all the way to the river, when he finally makes his set. Good job, Dildo!
ASIDE TO THE ASIDE: I'm actually kind of tickled at myself for the pseudo-acronym I just created. I'm now picturing a new poker rule which requires each person who sucks out really, really bad during a hand to stand up and yell, "I'm a dildo!"

Moving on, it's Wednesday, so that means a new episode of the World Poker Tour tonight. This week is the Grand Prix de Paris, which is the one tournament I have enjoyed least in its previous incarnations. Even loud, drunken Tony G wasn't enough to spice it up for me. The only thing I really know about tonight's episode is that Alan Gohring is one of the chip leaders, and there's a guy at the table who looks like the lost Allman Brother.

But I still maintain that the best poker on TV right now is High Stakes Poker on GSN, and that felling grows stronger with each successive show. Of course, due to my previous commitment of helping Jack Bauer save the world every Monday night at 9, I am a week behind everyone else, since I have to settle for watching the previous week's episode at 10.

Still, you have to admit that there's nothing better than watching Phil Hellmuth lose $100,000 in the space of three or four hands (TV time). There's something reassuring about looking at Daniel Negreanu's face after he's lost $750,000 and realizing, "Hey, I've felt exactly the way he looks, except it only took me $50 to get there." And it's like watching a slow-motion train wreck to see Antonio Esfandiari make a tough, but smart, laydown holding pocket rockets, only to see him get them a few hands later and get his ass handed to him once again.

Well, I seem to be all over the place, which is the way my chips are also behaving -- a few in his stack, a few in her stack, etc. Best call it a day, but not before the news: